So last night an old friend and I met up for dinner. Dinner at John Harvard's was good, and the atmosphere made for an entertaining evening. Okay . . . so you should know that BB and I are generally jackasses together. Well, last night made no exception. When we worked together, there were faculty meetings we got shushed at and group scoring of portfolios got us not only shushed but put in different groups. Let me give you three examples of unadulterated humor. He he he.
1. Early twenty-something jock dude sits down at the bar. We had a booth in the bar, so some of this is to be expected. Jock Boy has on camo cargs, a t-shirt, and backwards ball cap. He sits at the corner stool, and the seat on the adjacent corner is empty. Apparently he is waiting for someone as he sips on his Pale Ale. On the other side of this empty seat was a man in his middle years (grey hair, older face) dressed similar to Jock Boy. About the time I am sitting there thinking "Damn, you never really know the shape of people's asses until they sit them at your eye level" BB mutters about gayness in the air. I detract from my randomesque asses thought and ask him what he means. He mentions the clothes of the guys and asks "Don't you think that's a little gay?"
"Eh, no. That's standard uniform anymore. But if they were the the same colors from head to toe . . . "
"Oh, okay." Our apps and my beer came so I never did make my statement about ass sizes, which is probably good. Seriously, a rather large dude had sat his asscrack on the stool directly next to me, so I got to see his girth bubbling over the sides. I am sure he would have heard me if I had asked BB. Well, maybe not . . . but there are somethings you don't want to test.
As we munch on our apps, the Jock Boy finally has his companion show up. So, he's dressed in the similar cargs and hat attire, but when he sits down he puts his foot on Jock Boy's stool leg and leans in. At this point BB and I started wondering when they were going to nuzzle.
In the midst of this, BB asks me if the guy at the end of the bar has tattoos or hair on his arms. I quickly glance back and shutter. As I turned around I uttered "eeeew, hairy like a sweater." BB couldn't help but laugh. Here is where I should mention that our waitress made several passes at our table, and it seemed that every time she paused our way she overheard our observations. Her attempts to hide her laughter were apparent.
BB and I concerned ourselves with our Nachos and entrees, and in the midst of a delightful conversation Hairy Guy headed to the toilet. On his way there we couldn't help but notice his studded black belt, cut off shorts, and of course the black sleeveless shirt that caught our eyes earlier. I let out more than a giggle and reached for my phone. BB shook his head telling me I was going to get him beat up. I reminded him that I had never been the cause of that, but he reminded me that there is always a first. On the way back from the toilet Hairy Guy stopped at the hostess station. I got my picture, and BB took one too. We both laughed ourselves silly, and our waitress came over about the same time with BB's beer. She looked at the direction of our giggles and laughed too.
Yea, I know . . . we are so lucky we didn't get beat up.
2. While driving BB home we stopped at a red light to hear some young twenty-something's asshat music. Not just his asshat tunes, but we saw his tinted windows, wannabe gangster look, and then we caught he was talking to someone. Um . . . on the other side of a me was a female version of him. As the light turned to green and we rolled around the corner I commented that "Now there's a female asshat. Yea, I bet she used vaginal deodorant because of those tight pants." In all honesty, her windows were down and not only could you see her heavy makeup but you got a full view of her circulation stopping drawers.
Sucking in air and shaking his head, "What?"
"You know . . . those women who wear those skin tight pants have to use somethin' down there to cover up the skank smell."
"So, Celine Dion does? You know she's always in leather pants."
"Yea, has too. You gotta spray the vagina . . ."
"Ha! Seriously, that vagina comment was too much."
Perhaps. Good thing asshat one and two were busy getting numbers and dates in traffic or we would have been shit kicked because the windows were down for our conversation.
3. At Sevs BB and I went in for cold drinks. On the way out he noticed a bleached blonde, with a fairly nice body, but her face was hidden. As we got in the car he noted that her other half was clearly a gym buff and had a flat haed. Seriously, he was a guy with a couple of hoops in his ears, the silver rings, and the trademark swagger of a gym rat womanizer. As we waited for those two to check out and turn for a front facial view of blondie, BB remarked that we were bad together. I piped that we were on the road to the poe poe or beatingville. About this time blondie turned my way. As we busted out laughing because her face looked like a cement truck hit it, I thanked god we were in a locked car. BB remarked that "she has the face to stop a cock."
As the couple got in their car, they turned and looked to us shaking their heads. I know they could hear us laughing. In retrospect, we are lucky fools to have our faces in tact.
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