Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Snot Out of My Nose

Resumes. I’m drafting my C.V. to Resume form for some jobs (yea, yea . . . I know), and seriously I just about blew snot out of my nose reading some of these template resumes. Aside from the posting of personal information (i.e. home phone, address, school data), someone had a resume with ribbons all over it, another with her picture (notice I am employing my feminist genes and not making a remark), and . . . the one with flowers AND a picture. Yup, that one was my personal favorite.

Some dude said that he showed honesty and security with handling large sums of money at Wells Fargo Bank. Yea, this actually means “there were bank cameras so far up my meager teller’s ass that I couldn’t so much as sneeze without setting off an alarm!” Then there are the statements about “To find a position that showcases my ability to use my talents and skills.” Yea, really. Use your talents and skills? Isn’t that what everyone wants? I hear I’m good at French Kissing, should I put that in my resume under special skills? We all know it really comes out to, I’ll work for less than that chump with the college degree. Hire me sucker.

Okay, so I’m irritable at the moment. Well, who wouldn’t be with snot coming out her nose? None-the-less . . .

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Oh God.

Sitting on the couch, listening to the rents discuss who took off their sleep mask first (they have those medical ones to help them sleep)I rolled my eyes.

"Yea, it's always nice to hear 'Put your mask on Old Woman' or 'Shut up Old Man' in the middle of the night."

My father, in his tactless glory, said "Well we all know what you yell out in your sleep . . . Peter, Oh Peter." He doubled over with laughter, as I picked up another stitch in my knitting.

"Heh," I mumbled. "It's more like 'Oh God' you dirty old man."

Then the man without hearing said "I thought you didn't believe in God?"

"Yup, I'll believe in God if it gets me a job or laid."

His mouth was on the floor while I cackled like a jackass.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Glimpses complete

Well, I finished the latest short story. And . . . I sent it out to four lit magazines. It is bad form to blanket 25 or so, so I do four at a time. Rejection rates for fiction are incredibly high, so this could be a long and sad process. Sadly, for fiction I am used to it.

Now, off to work on either A)making it book length or B) finishing another short story about Piper and Vaughan. Mmmm. I kinda of like these characters and I think I will play with them for a while more.

The "Soldier" story is still in the works. Much more difficult genre to deal with on that one.