Laid, or not.

In the middle of packing my clothes for a month of long needed respite from the crappy economy, shitty work environment, and yada yada yada I got excited about wearing my shiny disco shoes, dresses, going to bars, a Yanks game, and maybe having an adult encounter of the civilized kind. That is when I thought it prudent to pull out my condoms. Okay, I didn't have to look far, but my being a nerd and all I did check them for expiration. Dude, I have six weeks before the laytex gods say they are less useful than a bucket of chicken. Tasty, huh? And did anyone get the low brow pun there?

I am shamelessly wrong.

Since I'm on a roll of being inappropriate, here's one a couple of folks have seen . . . not many.

i need to get laid

two months is too long.
having to write
to pay for batteries.
i should take stock.
doc j isn't cutting it anymore.
saddly nasty,
i know.
I need to get laid.

talked to carl yesterday
long email today.
does he want me?
i think i want him.
he's weird
i'm weird
maybe we will combust again—
would be warm.
he’s never cold.
he invited me over,
maybe he'll carry through this time
i need to get laid
he's fun,
misses me,
was glad to see me,
but i think he's got a girlfriend.
they might be fighting.
who knows.
his hair was spiked.
his beard wasn’t groomed.
he smelled of beer
and last night’s room.
it was all i could do
not to eat him up,
and him me.
i need to get laid.
a friend eyed us
and wanted to know why we aren't dating.
she doesn't know him . . .
only me.
i need to stop missing him.
just when i am fine,
he comes in.
next time i'll make him buy
beer and cigs.
i need to get laid.

talked to charlie today—
a friend of carl.
he came first,
but not for long.
carl came next,
but left before dawn.
charlie stayed
until i left town.
he's weird.
i'm not weird enough.
i lost weight.
he gained his back.
looked jealous of me
in my new body.
i am sexy.
his face is hot.
his body is not.
his gut was over his belt.
wonder if he can see his dick.
i don't need to get laid that bad.
we had a civil conversation.
that was weird.
what planet am i on?
i need to get laid,
but do i need it that bad?
i wondered why i missed him.
oh, i remember.
he got me laid.
we joked about laundry and beer.
he said something about the laundry mat.
think it was a lame ask out.
i passed.
like i said,
i don't need to get laid that bad.

two months has been long,
but not long enough.
i need to get laid.
dick number one
dick number two.
i need to get laid.
i think i’ll hold out
for dick number three.
i need to get laid.