Sunday, October 10, 2010

There's Something about H&M

A friend of mine ponders her experiences at H&M, and I do have to say that A) H&M is noted for small sizing and B)vanity sizes are more myth than reality. They occur on wedding dresses and some low end lines . . . overall, not so much. BUT . . .

Around the time C was eschewing her salad for a two bill shopping marathon, I went to NOVA and hung with a college girl friend all day. She's been on the "let's loose my depression weight" train--as I've always known her to be a four--and she had some size tens left over to give my shrinking ass. I should tell you, I am now six pounds heavier than I was in 2008. Booyea bitches. My size four freak needed some new pants, so I traipsed along. We ended up at H&M, and this is where I should not have to remind you that I am always inappropriate.

You might also want to know . . . in college a roommate, whom I was friends with for ions and we somewhat talk again now (read: she's on my FB page, and I'm on hers), always played the holier than thou routine. I walked to Kroger with her, on more than one occasion, for the pee test. She also did a lot, A LOT, of the "you aren't paying attention to me" shit. Case in point, on more than one occasion, she stood on our coffee table if the conversation in the room wasn't giving her enough attention. I particularly liked the one when she flashed me her new panties. I was sitting on the floor. See where this is going? Though, in retrospect . . .

So, little miss attention seeker is now burlesque dancing. Yup. Here's the thing. In the south we call a farm a plantation, as it rolls off the tongue a little sweeter. Hence, calling yourself a burlesque dancer just makes your stripping sound better.

My girl in NOVA, me, and several others have issues with it. But, we roll . . . Well, as Miss NOVA entered the dressing room and remarked on the state of her checkbook and body, I remarked that as long as she didn't start swinging from a pole--for which I then did a pole swinging move--I would be good. Two H&M employees nearly peed themselves laughing, and my NOVA gal doubled over. A few minutes later, as she debated her jeans, I told her that not only did they make her look hot, but "if I were to date women I would so do you in those pants." More laughter. A gasp. Someone's single digit age child heard me.

Like I said, always inappropriate.